Closer.

When I find myself watching a movie with quick and clever dialogue, I can't help but wish my life were the same. I rarely have clever and quick exchanges. Every so often I have those I suppose, mostly when speaking with Adrian, and those moments although insignificant and fleeting and forgettable, mean something dear... like some sort of quick break from the everyday mundane, and the incessant drivel that is constantly playing in my mind.

Then there are the things I see where love is so openly expressed and returned, and sexuality is so openly expressed and returned, and I ache for a life that doesn't exist for people like me, who live in their heads and blame others for their shortcomings. I crave the epic love and epic lines that nearly never mirror true life.

...most of all really, in this night that is even now giving way to hidden sunlight, I'm just thinking about Zach. That's not so surprising.

I lack an abscence of confusion...(what??)

I feel ...tired. There's the word. I feel there's a lot lacking in my life, though I can take responsibility for that. I think on some level I've always been like this, but when ever I become aware of it, it seems fairly new...like maybe something that developed within the last few months... I guess that's one of the things that comes along with poor memory.

Anyway, I had a moment of sort of sleepy happiness the other day... it was nice, the Shark was holding my hand in a gentle sort of way, and regardless of the reasons for him doing so, I felt better than I had in a million years/ a day... just thought I'd share that with someone/no one