warmth

When I lie down and listen to your heartbeat, I want to hear it beating faster. I want to listen to a heart so excited it threatens to break free from the ribs before it. For a few moments I don't feel like some little girl anymore. For a few moments I get a vague understanding of the word 'rapture.' For a few moments I feel wild animal desperately needing to howl at the moon. But it all stays inside. Too many crazy emotions and thoughts that I can't control, so I'm careful to quell them with a flurry of unhappy thoughts, disappointments, and bad memories. But still with you I feel much different. I feel like I look different, sound a bit different, and I think a bit differently...and I know you can't see it, but when I get nervous enough to stare at the floor I'm glowing inside. Anxiety burns a hole through me, but in this situation it feels good.



It's a secret, but every so often when I'm with you I feel comforted, and some part of me feels almost complete, and and somewhere deep inside I feel almost home.